There are three questions that most men will ask themselves before they wholeheartedly commit themselves to a woman.
These questions have nothing to do with love because love is a given. I don’t believe a majority of men will marry, or commit to a woman, if they don’t really love her. I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen because I’m sure it happens all the time.
The kind of commitment that I’m referring to is the kind that makes a man want to turn in his “player card” and go “all in”.
I’m talking about the questions that a man will ask himself before he emotionally, not rationally, commits his all to a woman.
These are the questions that men use as a measuring stick to determine is she is “the one”.
Here we go!
“Can I take her home to mama?”
There’s a picture that my brother gave to my mother as a gift that says, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”
This is a true statement on so many levels!
A man’s mother is his sounding board.
Every man (at least most) wants his mother to be proud of him.
He wants her to approve of his actions and decisions.
He wants her to know that she raised a man that can make it on his own. And, that he can execute sound judgment.
This means that most men will not “bring home to mama” somebody they know she will not approve.
He’s not going to embarrass himself by bringing home “just any ole thang”.
He doesn’t want her to look at him with those piercing eyes that say, “Son, who in the world did you bring into my house? You can do better.”
This means that only the “cream of the crop” gets to meet mama!
Now, I’m not talking about a coincidental meeting where the couple is out and the guy may say, “Hey, let’s run by my mom’s house so I can pick something up”. That was just an accidental meeting with no real meaning.
No, I’m talking about the kind of meeting that usually lasts for an extended period of time; something like a family dinner or, family get together where the woman KNOWS that something is at stake.
It’s the kind of occasion that puts butterflies in both of their stomachs!
These types of occasions don’t happen everyday…and they don’t just pop up out of nowhere. They are usually planned, and they’re a BIG deal.
The stakes are high!
When a man decides he wants to introduce a woman to his mother or, that he wants them to spend an extended amount of time together, what he wants to see is how they will connect. How will they get along. And how much his mother approves or, disapproves, of his choice.
Mothers have a sixth sense about people.
They know who and what is good for their sons.
Men know this and most will trust their mother’s judgment without question.
I know that many women may object and say, “He’s a mama’s boy!” or, “He should be able to make his own decisions!”
That may be true.
However, most MOTHERS will agree with me and say, “That’s right! He better bring her home to me and let me check her out before he gets too serious about her!”
Yes, men want their dads to be proud too.
But it is usually mama’s approval that determines who gets his heart and, who get’s the boot.
If mama ain’t happy with her then, most likely he ain’t gone be happy with her!
“Will she make a good mother?”
Believe it or not, before a man will allow himself to get emotionally tied to a woman who he’s involved, he will often ask himself questions about what kind of mother would she make.
This question is one that addresses a woman’s character. Her “heart”. It relates to who she is as a person and, as a woman.
When a man begins to get serious about a woman he will often ask himself, “Will she be a good caregiver, nurturer, and support system in the life of my child?”
Under this broad question the following questions also fall:
- Is she caring?
- Can she cook?
- Is she lazy?
- How does she keep her house?
- Will she help raise my children to be “good people”?
Most men would not want to be in a serious and committed relationship with someone that they think will be a “bad” mother.
There’s too much at stake!
A man wants to know in his heart that in the event something should happen to him, his children would be in good hands after he’s gone.
Now, I’m not talking about the type of guy that could care less who he impregnates. I’m talking about MOST men; the average guy that is looking for a lifelong partner who will be the mother of his children.
Men want to be in positive and committed relationships just like women. It may not seem so but, it’s true.
And we also want to know that the woman who we decide is good for us will also be good for our children. Even if the children are not even born yet.
Men understand that fathers are the provider. The protector. The one that lays down the law and will “tan that tail” when they need to.
Men also realize that mothers are most often a child’s first teacher. She’s the one who can turn a house into a home. And she’s usually the one who will kiss the child’s pain away after daddy has “tanned” the child’s tail.
Mothers are special.
And when a man get’s involved with a woman, the question of if she will make a good mother will always be somewhere in his mind.
“Can I talk to her?” (which really means “Can I trust her?”)
Sometimes it takes a lot of prodding for a woman to get her man to “talk”.
That’s not to say he doesn’t’ want to communicate his feelings or, that he doesn’t care about her. And it doesn’t mean he’s not emotionally invested in the relationship.
Sometimes it just means that he does not trust her enough to let her know his innermost feelings.
He does not want to expose himself to what he knows could be a vulnerable situation.
Because men aren’t suppose to be vulnerable! That’s not what we were made out of. (“Snips and snails and puppy dog tails…”, remember?)
Now, I know that’s not true.
No relationship can develop into its full potential without the involved parties risking a certain amount of vulnerability.
But what I know to be true and what men actually do are two different things.
Most women have no problem opening themselves up to express their feelings.
For men it can be a little harder.
It takes time for us to open up.
A man wants to know that what he tells a woman will be held in the strictest confidence. He wants to know she is loyal to him and, will not spread his “secrets”.
He wants to know he can trust her.
And to a man trust means, “Can I tell her ANYTHING with full confidence that she will not judge, condemn, or blab it to her friends”.
If a man does not think he can trust a woman then, he won’t commit to her.
He may do EVERYTHING else, but he won’t commit…FULLY.
Women talk. I know that’s a generalization but, it’s also a truth.
Men don’t talk; at least not at the outset of a relationship.
If a man thinks that a woman can not control her urge to “share” then he won’t trust her with his “secrets” (feelings, emotions, etc.)…and he won’t trust her with his heart.
When a man finds a woman that he can “bear his soul” without hesitation, he knows he has found a “a keeper”.
What say you? (Yes, no, maybe so?) Let me know what you think. Tell me some of your experiences in the comments section below. (And let’s link up on Twitter: @attractandkeep.)